Count Your Many Blessings

This is the month of  "Thanks giving". I am usually not one to do a list but lately I have been feeling a little sad. For lack of a better word. About a year ago I finally got the courage up to meet with a counselor. (Okay, really I cried my eyes out at a routine doctors appointment and my wonderful doctor, Dr. Gustin, listened to me and said, "there is someone I want you to meet.")  I did have to get my courage up every time after that first visit to go visit her again. For some reason I always thought I could be tough and "work things out myself".  I learned sometimes you need some one to validate your feelings or to let you see the reality of the situation. She helped me to free myself from the doubting, too tough me. It wasn't until I met with her and told her of the my past 5 years and all that they entailed that I felt successful with all that I had accomplished. She looked at me as a someone that was resilient and a "survivor". Where I had always looked at myself as a barely keeping my head above water and well to be blunt a fraud. So what does this have to do with a list for this month of Thanksgiving? Well, one of the first thinks my counselor had me do was write a list of 10 things I liked about myself. Whenever I had doubts or negative thoughts come into my mind about my self I had to pull out my journal and read my list. So, with how I have been feeling lately it is time for a list! So here is

My list of 10 things that I am thankful for at this time of Thanksgiving

1. I know I have a Heavenly Father that loves me and knows me. I have an older brother and Savior that knows and loves me.
2. my husband Ryan, he loves being married to me as much as I love being married to him.
3. my children, I LOVE BEING A MOM.
4. my parents,  for accepting the gospel so that I could be raised in a gospel centered home, and for being  examples to me of  resilience and how to be a graceful survivor.   
5. my siblings for being my friends and confidants
6. Ryan's job, it allows me to stay home and be a mom.
7. cancer, I know weird, but I have learned more about the Atonement because of the experiences I have had while dealing with family members and friends that have had cancer.  
8. my country and my freedoms
9. families are eternal
10. my life, with all the happy and the sad, the easy parts and the difficult, it is my life and it has made me who I am today. 

A New Season....

I have noticed I seem to add to my blog when the weather reminds me that the seasons are changing. As the new school year begins I will try to post more often. I am so blessed with many things in my life and I think too often I take for granted all the things that happen in the everyday tasks of life and I only celebrate the "seasons changing".

 This fall has brought on a whole new "season" to my life. 

All my kids are in school. All day now. Natalie started kindergarten this year. In Illinois kindergarten is ALL day. From 8:15-2:30. I miss her. I loved having my little shadow following me around the house. Helping me clean. Going shopping with me. And all the things that "the girls" do. I even miss hearing kid shows on in the background as I try to get things done and I want her to be entertained. There were so many times I couldn't wait till bedtime so I could have a quiet house and now from 8 til 3 it is too quite. I know that this is all part of life's progression. I think it has helped me to have a deeper appreciation for Heavenly Father and His willingness to send all of His children to "school". In some ways it would be so much easier to have them home with me. At home I know what they are being exposed to. How they are being spoken to and how they are speaking to others. I can control more of what they are doing and eating and well, just control them more! But I know just like Heavenly Father's plan they need to have time on their own to learn. I will continue to teach them and influence them and help them along the way. I will also show them that I have faith in them that they can and will make good choices and they will accomplish all that they wish to accomplish. And just like my Heavenly Father whenever they need me I will be there for them to listen and council them and most of all love them. Reminds me of a song I loved as a new missionary. But now as a mother I see the words fit just as well. "God in His wisdom, designed a time and season, for every worthy purpose under Heaven." So now as I embark on a new season of motherhood I will appreciate that the quite hours are the sounds of children progressing and a mom that is letting them grow.

Only Because it's Spring!

For everything there is a time and season. Winter has seemed like an extra long season this year. I am ready for spring. My daffodils are starting to come out of the cold ground and this has warmed my heart. In January our family learned that little Jude has cancer. He is going to be going into round 3 on Friday. He has to have a total of 8 treatments. So hopefully by Halloween he will be done with the treatments and then my brother and his family can relax for the holidays. I think for the first time in my life I am looking forward to spring , summer, and then fall to go by quick because then my little nephew will be on the mend. There have been some very sweet experiences for our whole family during this trial. Cancer is a funny thing, you hate what it does to the physical body, but it has the capabilities to be an unbelievable teacher to a person's spirit. It teaches humility, faith, endurance, and most importantly what great love our Heavenly Father has for each of His children. I have  learned how much my older brother Jesus Christ has done for me. I was able to be at the hospital with Jude at the beginning of his treatments. For some reason it ended up being just Clint, Jude, and me in Jude's room. Jude wanted to listen to some music and I had my I pod on hand. We pulled it out and I remembered I had just downloaded the new songs for the Primary program for this year. I told Jude I had a really good song I wanted him to hear. I played, "I Know that My Savior Loves Me." I saw a calm come over him and he relaxed. I have a picture of the album cover on my I pod. It is a drawing of children looking up at the the Christus statue. He loved the picture as well. He listened to the song and stared at the picture for quite sometime. Watching Jude in the hospital listening to the song and looking so intently at the picture of our Savior, reminded me that  not only did He pay  the price for my sins but He also suffered all the physical pain that I will ever have to suffer. He did it all because He loves me. I have become more grateful of my knowledge that one day we all have perfected bodies because we will live again just like Jesus Christ lives. It will be wonderful for the winter to come back again because it will be the beginning of another season for our family. There will be many more things to be thankful for at Thanksgiving. But for now why does my heart with gladness sing? Only because it's spring.