"Dreams are nothing more than wishes and a wish is just a dream you wish to come true."

Before bed last night I was reading from D&C 138: starting in vs 18. It talks about Christ's ministry to the spirit world between his death and resurrection. The part that struck me was that Christ could not be in the presence of those that were rebellious towards the ancient prophets because where they were darkness reigned. So Christ organized the righteous to go and teach them the gospel. I was reminded of the continual love and forgiveness the Savior shows to all his brothers and sisters. I am so grateful for his love. And forgiveness. I don't know if it influenced my dreams last night but, my dad was in my dreams. We were all together again. My parents, siblings, and I. I could tell our spouses and children were there. I remember at times we would all look at each other as we spoke and we were thinking the same thought of, "Does dad realize that he died and that even though he is here he is really here only in spirit because he died." I ended up being the one to point this out to him. He looked at me and said to me," thanks Beck for pointing that out. I figured of all the kids you would. I am fully aware of that but I like to be around everyone when you're all together." This made us all quite comfortable and we continued with our conversations. During the visiting I brought up a very neat spiritual experience I had had that involved Amanda and also one that involved little Natty. After I shared it I felt I needed to turn and apologize to dad for sharing something so neat that he was not able to be a part of because he had already died when it had happen. He very lovingly replied,"he had been there, he has been able to be there for many of those things. And he was not all the way where he need to be yet. But he was working very hard to accomplish the things he needed to accomplish to be with our family in the eternities." I replied back to him that, "I bet he was even further along then he even realized." We all returned to our visiting and slowly we all realized that dad was no longer with us. We all missed his presence and kept trying to figure out what we could do to get him to come back. Including trying to figure out what hymn to play, thinking that just the right one would "lure" him back. But my dream was over and the visit with my dad was as well. So grateful the Savior organized the Spirit world so that there is continual learning and growth on the other side of the veil.

Home is Where the Heart Is

I love being Clinton's mom!

The other day we were driving in the van and Clint started pointing out what age he would be when Natty was a certain age. So funny because I remember doing the exact same thing with my siblings. Well he got to the point of when Natalie is 16 he will be on his mission. He informed her, "Nat, if mom and dad have a Sweet 16 party for you I am not going to be able to be there, I'll be on my mission."  She of course was quite offended that he would not be at her Sweet 16 birthday party! (Not that she even knows what a Sweet 16 party is...) He then said to her how she needs to happy that he will be serving his mission and that is what you do when you are 19. So I took the opportunity to ask some questions.

"So, Clint, where do you think you would like to go on your mission?"
" I think I will be going to Africa on my mission."
"Oh, really. Well what makes you think you could go there?"
"Well, I have thought about it and the people in Africa need to be told about Jesus Christ."
"Why would the people in Africa need to be taught about Jesus? Why wouldn't they all ready know about Him?"
"Because mom, they are so busy just trying to think about how they are going to get food and water. They haven't  had time to even think about learning about Jesus Christ. There are alot of people in Africa mom and there is going to be a lot of missionary work that will need to be done."

He really has thought about it. I remember thinking about where I would want to serve my mission. I mostly wanted to go somewhere I could learn a cool language or it would sound exotic to say, "that's where I served". I really don't think I thought about if it was a place where the people were just "surviving" and so they needed to learn about the Savior so they could have more hope in their lives. But my 10 year old son has. I love that he spends time really thinking about others and pondering on those things that his Heavenly Father would have him do. He has always been like this. He doesn't just notice things, he observes and then ponders about those things he observes. It comes to him naturally. It's what my Clinton does. I am so grateful I get to be his mom. I love my Clinton!

I'm Trying to be Like Jesus

So I was up late last night...or maybe early this morning...I couldn't sleep between the hours of 2:43 a.m. and 4:45 a.m. I woke up and my mind was racing and I could not get back to sleep. So I tried reading an article in the Ensign, thinking this should make my mind "relax" and I will go back to sleep. It was a really good article and it helped to put so many things back into perspective for me. The title of the talk was, "That Our Children Might See the Face of the Savior."  I serve in the Stake Primary presidency and I am a Webelos Den leader so I thought that this would be a good article to read and it could help in my callings. And oh yeah, I am a mom too and so it could help me in that calling as well. But it actually has ended up that the article has really helped me, to help me. One little statement that stuck out to me was about learning to love your children and it said, "As we are filled with the love of the Lord, we can love. He might weep over what we do, but He loves us and is always there to help us. That is how we must learn to love our children." And I will add, and ourselves. As I have began to recommit myself to get to know my Savior more and allow myself to feel His love, I love myself, and others more. Sometimes I do feel like crying because of ways I or others have handled things or situations. Sometimes I want to cry just because I want to throw a fit much like my children do. And poor Ryan, sometimes I do just that..."throw a fit" and cry, and he listens and I feel better. The article has helped me as a mom to not get down on myself when things aren't going perfectly with my children. If the Savior can weep over us, I can weep over my children. Sometimes the Savior wept because of the righteousness of His children. Sometimes He wept because they were blatantly being disobedient. Regardless of the reason He still always loved them. So, now

I'm trying to be like Jesus,

I'm following in His ways.

I'm trying to love as He did,

in all that I do and say.

At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice,

but I try to listen as the still small voice whispers,

"Love one another as Jesus loves you.

Try to show kindness in all that you do.

Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought, 

for these are the things Jesus taught."

-Janice Kapp 

Natalie and Clint were having some sibling disagreements this morning. Clint's best line to Nat was, "It's not your life that I'm living in my body." 

Holy smokes I am posting again and it hasn't been a few months!

I am pretty much like my dog Brody, you reward him for a good behavior and he will do it again. Desiree commented on my post and so now I need to post again....I actually did want to get my thoughts out about a wonderful Sunday and that gave me a good excuse to do so. I didn't think that yesterday was going to be so nice. I thought I was probably going to die because I was going to fast and our new schedule for church is 1-4. I really thought of every reason not to. Like even this lame one, "I didn't eat enough last night for dinner to last me till four today." Because you know I am like a bear that has to store up for the long winter nap.But all the excuses can't trump one of my main reason to fast yesterday. How can I ever ask the my kids to do it if I am not willing to do it myself? There are so many things in my life that have been influenced by, "what will I tell my kids?". Which leads me to the wonderful experience we had with one of our kids. Samuel was called as the Deacons quorum President and was set apart yesterday. I was excited for him. He takes his responsibilities as a Deacon quite seriously and he was looking forward to being the quorum president. But it wasn't until yesterday that I realized the great trust and faith that Heavenly Father has in the young men of his church. It made me appreciate more how Mary must have felt when she entered the Temple and saw Jesus teaching the teachers. Seeing your son at a young age going about His Fathers work is very humbling. I am so grateful for the gospel and to live in a time on the earth where Christ's church is living. Where the priesthood is held by worthy males and it is here to bless our lives. What a blessing to be a mom and the be a mom of a son who strives to do what is right.

And to make an end is to make a beginning. ~T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

I woke up this morning to a nice quite house. Checked my e-mail, looked at some web-sites, and thought I'd add some New Years resolutions to my blog. I am putting on my brave face and putting my resolutions out for everyone to see. Not hiding them in a journal that gets tucked away and written in every 6 months during conference. Which by the way "journal more often" is going to be a resolution...and I know status updates on Facebook don't count. Another resolution, "don't waste time on Facebook". It really bugs me most the time anyways. It's kind of like when I would watch Lost with Ryan. Every time the episode would end I would say,"well, that was dumb, I hate this show, (and I really try not to use the word hate), why did I just waste an hour of my time." Every week I would say this and yet I still watched the whole series. Another resolution, "don't watch as much TV". Many times I remind my children it is only TV. When a show I follow doesn't get recorded or the dish goes out because of a storm I have to remind myself it is only TV. Life will exist if I don't see who won a Survivor challenge. Next resolution "be more grateful for surviving life's challenges". I am really working on being positive and you know I really like taking this approach to life. It takes work but it has really changed my perspective on a lot of things. When I find my self slipping back into negative thoughts I catch myself and back it up and really try to find the positive. If I can't find it I let it go and think of a blessing I am receiving elsewhere in my life. Sometimes you have to walk away from what ever is causing you the negative thought and visit it later when you are more capable of dealing with it. So "think positive thoughts" will continue on with me into 2011. My house is waking up and my thoughts are beginning to scatter. I guess it is good I am going to journal more this year so I will add to my resolutions as this new year progresses. So grateful for a New Year and how they represent new beginnings. Happy New Year!