Count Your Many Blessings

This is the month of  "Thanks giving". I am usually not one to do a list but lately I have been feeling a little sad. For lack of a better word. About a year ago I finally got the courage up to meet with a counselor. (Okay, really I cried my eyes out at a routine doctors appointment and my wonderful doctor, Dr. Gustin, listened to me and said, "there is someone I want you to meet.")  I did have to get my courage up every time after that first visit to go visit her again. For some reason I always thought I could be tough and "work things out myself".  I learned sometimes you need some one to validate your feelings or to let you see the reality of the situation. She helped me to free myself from the doubting, too tough me. It wasn't until I met with her and told her of the my past 5 years and all that they entailed that I felt successful with all that I had accomplished. She looked at me as a someone that was resilient and a "survivor". Where I had always looked at myself as a barely keeping my head above water and well to be blunt a fraud. So what does this have to do with a list for this month of Thanksgiving? Well, one of the first thinks my counselor had me do was write a list of 10 things I liked about myself. Whenever I had doubts or negative thoughts come into my mind about my self I had to pull out my journal and read my list. So, with how I have been feeling lately it is time for a list! So here is

My list of 10 things that I am thankful for at this time of Thanksgiving

1. I know I have a Heavenly Father that loves me and knows me. I have an older brother and Savior that knows and loves me.
2. my husband Ryan, he loves being married to me as much as I love being married to him.
3. my children, I LOVE BEING A MOM.
4. my parents,  for accepting the gospel so that I could be raised in a gospel centered home, and for being  examples to me of  resilience and how to be a graceful survivor.   
5. my siblings for being my friends and confidants
6. Ryan's job, it allows me to stay home and be a mom.
7. cancer, I know weird, but I have learned more about the Atonement because of the experiences I have had while dealing with family members and friends that have had cancer.  
8. my country and my freedoms
9. families are eternal
10. my life, with all the happy and the sad, the easy parts and the difficult, it is my life and it has made me who I am today. 

A New Season....

I have noticed I seem to add to my blog when the weather reminds me that the seasons are changing. As the new school year begins I will try to post more often. I am so blessed with many things in my life and I think too often I take for granted all the things that happen in the everyday tasks of life and I only celebrate the "seasons changing".

 This fall has brought on a whole new "season" to my life. 

All my kids are in school. All day now. Natalie started kindergarten this year. In Illinois kindergarten is ALL day. From 8:15-2:30. I miss her. I loved having my little shadow following me around the house. Helping me clean. Going shopping with me. And all the things that "the girls" do. I even miss hearing kid shows on in the background as I try to get things done and I want her to be entertained. There were so many times I couldn't wait till bedtime so I could have a quiet house and now from 8 til 3 it is too quite. I know that this is all part of life's progression. I think it has helped me to have a deeper appreciation for Heavenly Father and His willingness to send all of His children to "school". In some ways it would be so much easier to have them home with me. At home I know what they are being exposed to. How they are being spoken to and how they are speaking to others. I can control more of what they are doing and eating and well, just control them more! But I know just like Heavenly Father's plan they need to have time on their own to learn. I will continue to teach them and influence them and help them along the way. I will also show them that I have faith in them that they can and will make good choices and they will accomplish all that they wish to accomplish. And just like my Heavenly Father whenever they need me I will be there for them to listen and council them and most of all love them. Reminds me of a song I loved as a new missionary. But now as a mother I see the words fit just as well. "God in His wisdom, designed a time and season, for every worthy purpose under Heaven." So now as I embark on a new season of motherhood I will appreciate that the quite hours are the sounds of children progressing and a mom that is letting them grow.

Only Because it's Spring!

For everything there is a time and season. Winter has seemed like an extra long season this year. I am ready for spring. My daffodils are starting to come out of the cold ground and this has warmed my heart. In January our family learned that little Jude has cancer. He is going to be going into round 3 on Friday. He has to have a total of 8 treatments. So hopefully by Halloween he will be done with the treatments and then my brother and his family can relax for the holidays. I think for the first time in my life I am looking forward to spring , summer, and then fall to go by quick because then my little nephew will be on the mend. There have been some very sweet experiences for our whole family during this trial. Cancer is a funny thing, you hate what it does to the physical body, but it has the capabilities to be an unbelievable teacher to a person's spirit. It teaches humility, faith, endurance, and most importantly what great love our Heavenly Father has for each of His children. I have  learned how much my older brother Jesus Christ has done for me. I was able to be at the hospital with Jude at the beginning of his treatments. For some reason it ended up being just Clint, Jude, and me in Jude's room. Jude wanted to listen to some music and I had my I pod on hand. We pulled it out and I remembered I had just downloaded the new songs for the Primary program for this year. I told Jude I had a really good song I wanted him to hear. I played, "I Know that My Savior Loves Me." I saw a calm come over him and he relaxed. I have a picture of the album cover on my I pod. It is a drawing of children looking up at the the Christus statue. He loved the picture as well. He listened to the song and stared at the picture for quite sometime. Watching Jude in the hospital listening to the song and looking so intently at the picture of our Savior, reminded me that  not only did He pay  the price for my sins but He also suffered all the physical pain that I will ever have to suffer. He did it all because He loves me. I have become more grateful of my knowledge that one day we all have perfected bodies because we will live again just like Jesus Christ lives. It will be wonderful for the winter to come back again because it will be the beginning of another season for our family. There will be many more things to be thankful for at Thanksgiving. But for now why does my heart with gladness sing? Only because it's spring.

Tradition!

The opening song to one of my favorite musicals, "Fiddler on the Roof", is,"Traditions." In fact the musical is really about a Jewish family and how their traditions are changing because of a changing world. I come from a family filled with traditions. My father was Mexican. Because of  his heritage one of my favorite traditions is Christmas Eve. We would gather together at my Aunt Sandra's on Christmas Eve and eat homemade Mexican cuisine. Posole, tamales, chili verde, Mexican rice, even homemade tortillas. As I got older my world began to change. I moved away and started a family of my own. I missed not being able to go to my aunt's house. I missed that during that time of year I was really able to embrace my Mexican heritage and be a part of the world my father grew up in. I wished there was a way to share the tradition with my own family. My wish came true. I moved close to my sister Angela. She loves traditions has much as I do. Extra bonus...She LOVES to cook. Because I live by her my children get to go to their aunt's house on Christmas Eve. They get to partake in Mexican cuisine. They get to embrace my Mexican heritage and be a part of the world my father grew up in. Thank you Ang. I love you. Feliz Navidad!

Truth from Elijah

"We as the children can seek out our loved ones. Preserving their names and their memories." These words are found in one of my favorite Primary songs,"Truth from Elijah". I love the simple melody of this beautiful song. Tho the melody may be simple the message is profound. It is one of the most wonderful of all blessings given to us. That the hearts of the children will turn to their fathers. I have found that my heart has turned to my father and to my grandfathers. Most recently my heart has been very tender towards my husbands grandfather. Charles Addison Reed. I was only able to personally meet Grandpa Reed once in person while he was still living. But much like my own father I have gotten to know more about him now that he has died. He was in the military during WWII. Ryan and I have been so blessed to get some of his uniforms that he wore during that time. We also have some of his other belongings that Ryan's mom has sent to us. I love looking through the things that belonged to Grandpa Reed.  I love listening to Ryan's memories of his wonderful grandpa. He was always a great example to Ryan. I  wanted to make sure the uniforms, pictures and other belongings were kept safe and stored properly until I could display them in a more proper manner. So I began the task of the dreaded organizing of the storage room. I began de-junking and as I did so I was able to find the perfect spot for Grandpa Reed's belongings. As I got out his jackets and his hats worn while on his "missions" I was so overwhelmed with a feeling of great love for this man that had raised my  mother-in-law that in turn raised my husband.I knew he was aware of me and Ryan and even our children. I could feel how pleased he was that his daughter cared so much for him that she would follow the promptings to pass  on these belongings to a grandson and granddaughter that truly loved and cherished having a part of his history. I remembered the prophesy of Malachi. My heart had turned to my grandfather, My Grandpa Reed. He is my grandfather as well as Ryan's. Because we have been sealed to each other and Ryan is sealed to his mother . And just like one of my favorite Primary songs says,"We can strive to be worthy to kneel in the temple and bind them to us for eternity."

I've Seen That Smile Somewhere Before...

Thirteen years ago today I was in Orlando, Florida. I was a nervous wreck. My entire family was there with me. We were going to Midevil Times for dinner that night. But before I could go watch the knights sword fight, give roses to the fair maidens, and eat with my hands, I was going to get married.

It was May and I had been home from my mission almost a year. I was living in Northern Florida with my mom. I was getting ready to move back to Utah to live with my sister. I was a return missionary and wasn't dating anyone with "eternity potential." I loved being in Florida. I loved hanging out and with my little sister. We would go get smoothies and spend our afternoons at the beach. Sometimes her little "boyfriends" would come along. I will admit it was a bit of an ego booster when she would inform me of how HOT they thought I was. But even compliments like this from fourteen year old surfer boys can only sustain you for so long. And you certainly cannot date them! I was saying my prayers quiet fervantly and wondering what I should do.

 I was at work. I bagged groceries at the commissary (military grocery store) on Eglin AFB. This young airman with the cutest smile came walking in the door. He had cute wavy hair and just looked so happy. I could not stop looking at him. I watched as he went through each of the aisles. Trying to catch glances of him as I bagged. (All those years of Tetris had paid off, I could make groceries fit perfectly in bags with my eyes closed!) "Please come through my line, please come through my line." I thought. This way I could see if there was a ring and I could bag his groceries and walk with him to his car. He only bought a few things and went through the Express lane. Darn! Well, airman come and go through here all the time and I was sure I would see others that I could watch down the aisles. Very disappointed I walked my customer out to their car, loaded their groceries and began walking back to the store. Little did I know the Heavens were about to open and a light would shine down on a little blue Mazda truck. It was him! The cute wavy haired, smiling, so happy airman. And on the back of his truck window for all the world and for me to see was a Pantera sticker and a sticker in the corner with three letters LDS.

In June my mom moved to a new house that just happened to be in the same ward as cute wavy haired airman. I could look at him every sunday. Not talk to him, just look. I later found out he felt the same as me. Just look don't talk. We both knew the outcome if we talked. We knew we were going to marry each other. And well that is just weird to know that before you even talk to that person. That is what you see happen in 70's church musicals like "Saturday's Warriors". Not in real life. Especially not MY life. Because people that do that are wierd. And I was not one of  "those" people.

Thirteen years later I have come to terms with the fact that I was indeed one of  "those" people. I had him over for his birthday. My family had a little a party for him. That was June 30th. On the 4th of July we were discussing what kind of ring I wanted. On October 23, 1996 I found myself smiling outside the Orlando Temple surrounded by my family taking pictures of me and cute, smiley, wavy haired airman. My husband.

Primary Miracle

This Sunday is our annual Primary program. I love teaching the kids new songs and then directing them while they sing in the Primary program. This year the theme is, " My Eternal Family". I guess it is only fitting that I keep having a certain memory pop into my mind as I prepare for this Sunday. When we lived in Missouri I was the chorister at that time. It was two weeks before our program. I became very sick and I had to miss quite a few of the practices. My dear friend, who was the president at that time, was very concerned about who would lead the kids if I did not get better. She asked the children the Sunday before if they would all say their prayers that I would get better and be able to lead them in their songs. That Sunday morning I was able to get up, get ready, and lead them in the program. I was sweating bullets, exhausted, and went home and back to bed right after. But, I did it and the program was wonderful. My friend went to Primary and shared with them all that there was truly a miracle in the ward that day. She then shared how their prayers were answered and I was able to be there. I am sure that no one else realizes there was another miracle that was beginning to happen for me that day. I didn't realize it until 5:00 am this morning. There was a sister at that time in the ward that had recently found out her breast cancer had returned. She was going through the treatments and was feeling just well enought to come to church that week. I will never forget her face or her big hug after the program. As she hugged me she let me know of the fine job she thought I did. She was so grateful she was able to be there for that Sunday. Beacause that was the meeting she looked forward to all year. She loved watching those children bear testimony through word and song. Fast forward quite a few months and I found myself in the hospital delivering my little baby girl. She came a week early. Just like her mother she works in her own time frame. While holding my new baby girl I recieved a call that this sweet sister with cancer had passed away. I couldn't help but reflected on life and how it all works together. As one spirit moves on to it's new journey, another spirit begins it's own here on earth. That is a miracle. Fast forward quite a few years. I found out one of my sweet little sisters from this same ward was fighting her own battle with cancer. At the same time I learned my brother and sister-in-law were expecting. How would their journey's turn out? In August, in the same week, my new nephew was born. He began his journey on earth;and my sweet little sister began her new journey as well. She began it on the the exact same day my dear friend with breast cancer had began hers so many years ago. They both left the exact same home, surrounded by some of the same people who loved them so dearly. But more importantly than that, at the start of their new journeys, they were both greeted by someone that loves them even more than any of us here on earth. Now THAT is a Miracle.